Dreamless

2011-10-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

Ok i know i havent blogged for forever. But. Idk. I feel shitty no in the cry me a river way just feel so shitty. Starting to regret all the things i thought i would not regret... Missing so many things that i just didnt cherish. I have reached the things i used to want but.. i still feel so shitty and empty. I miss them, i try to convince myself that i hated that life but i enjoyed it back then.

2011-07-04T04:38:00.000-07:00

Ok these pictures make me miss london like shit. London has one of the most beautiful nights. Ever.

I wanna go somewhere far away, pretend theresnothing to care nothing to feel nothing to fight for. Pretend the world is carefree and happy. Anywhere but here

But i cant help but feel the life we're living, the live we're gonna live... Isn't it rather empty? School, grades, results... These things will eventually evolve into Money, status and career. Just another gauge of our aptitude. Such an empty life.

Shit i don't even know why i feel this empty feeling. Its not the love bullshit and all that its just.. You know i feel empty. I don't know what i want , i don't know what there is, i don't know where i'll be. What kind of life, is this?

Empty words and pretty lies

2011-06-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

If we can't be happy, i'm satisfied with being content

I really needed this june holidays break.. And i'm sure i'm not the only one. Everyone feels like shit. And this short break helped us get back on track.

Needa address this class thing. We're falling apart, which sucks balls. 2C ~~rocks~~ rocked. I think theres miscommunication srsly.

I guess i won't have any false hopes. I know my limitations.

Short post heh.

Cause the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true

2011-06-02T02:26:00.001-07:00

This song is so wow

2011-05-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

Stuff happening in school and all that, disagreements between the guys and the girls. I guess both sides are at fault imo.. The guys honestly demand alot and the girls aren't perfect so.. Idk. I feel really half-hearted but i'm trying to figure things out.

I feel so pathetic, having beg for these little glimmers of happiness. Sure i have great friends and all that but i still feel quite shitty. But they have their own problems... Its as if someone stole the happiness out of everyones eyes. It sucks.

Anyway, last week was the last week of 1st semester. Could have ended on a better note but heck we're all tired so..

Made some new friends, lost some. Guess life is like that - everchanging. But i'm content. Dispirited but not suicidal.

Why do they always look so solemn whenver i take a pic of them

Oh simple thing, where have you gone
I'm getting older and i need something to rely on.

Don't i get a shot at this?

2011-05-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

Life Sucks

Sucks when people drift. And its weird, now i feel safer around people whose flaws are shown straight away when i get to know them. Not some Mr/Ms Perfect who seems so perfect but actually hiding some massive personality problem. Yeah i'm not perfect.. I try to have as little flaws as possible, maybe that in itself is a flaw. But i don't hide my insecurities or whatever.

What sucks more is that people expect me to be perfect and when i'm not, they just throw me aside. And then later i'm probably gonna be blamed for not holding out. So BS.

I guess sometimes my ego is too big, and i have too high expectations of everything. But its good to know that people have always tried to be there for me, even when i don't open up.

It sucks that i'm just better than average for many things. Yeah cca, school team but not the best. Grades. Better than average not PHL. Friends, yeah i have friends and no one hates me. But. I wanna be GOOD at something. I wanna be proud of something. But i'm not.

But you're just almost here...

2011-05-11T05:30:00.000-07:00

Wow really got to know some new people.. Ben cheng, Caleb chee... Slacked with chen, olivia, rachel, caleb keith and stuff...

Ok so last thursday.. whoa so long ago. Me and rachel were extraing at Ben's bday celebration. Cause we were ~~being nerds~~ 'studying' at MP library with chen, while the rest were playing and stuff . Well since we were with chen the whole gang came along and we were asked along. So heck not extra alr :D then walked around and stuff. After lunch we walked to playground, then got ntuc trolley. They played with it the day b4 thn that day play again. Haha damn cool... So yu wan got in, olivia pulled the trolley and some guys pushed. Then when we approached this void deck, got this lady there using iphone.

When caleb walk by, he saw her quick;y go homepage frm camera. THats when everyon started panicking. Then olivia had the balls(ironically) to go up to her and negotiate and got her to delete the vid. So after that we went to the playground. End up nvr play when yu wan stormed off. But i don't blame her cause she was like the main paartof the vid.
So the guys quite gentlemen lah go chase after her. I, being the last person, had to guard the bag ._. ... i watched the lady and then her friend came along and talk to her. After awhile she decided to come up to me cause she thought i thought she was some random stranger.

Then she was like "What school are you from?"

So i was like "FUCK". But i said " Why would you like to know?"

"Don't worry i won't report you"

"I can't do this to my friends"

"If i want i can ask the people around if i want to find out."

STORM OFF||

WTF rite. And she looked like some nice aunty. But its not even our fault. Cause someone else stole the trolley, we just pushed it around. Big deal.

But after that people were really awesome, planning to save each others back... Yeah honestly, the trouble makers ar e the nicest people. I mean, how many times have you thought about your parents being disappointed when you're at the principals office? So yeah.

Damn cool shirt. I like.

Planning to work in the hols. I hate it when my mum gives me money without earning it. I feel damn lousy each time i accept it.

K tmr is science. Fingers crossed. Exams are so _|_

2011-04-27T04:02:00.000-07:00

EXAMS ARE FRIGGIN COMING!

Haha shag but a good shag. Study hard, play hard.. I'm actually kinda proud of my marks siah. 18/25 geog, 22/25 maths. Came to school early to meet with rachel and caleb! School as per normal. HAPPY BDAY MS TAN AND NABIL ^^. Had some PW then went for science supplementary. SIAN my science just pass siah. Pek chek. Then homed with larry and isabel ^^. Talked, laughed, played...

Oh yeah yesterday or monday o.o was slacking with caleb and rachel. Went into Bubble tea shop then WAH this grp of CCHS guys stop and stare at rachel. Haha so proud my mei so pretty. Then one guy kept trying to intro himself to Rachel, who was OBLIVIOUS as usual. So i was like "eh caleb sit with rachel that guy like want intro himself to rachel" Then when he went back and sat with her one of the CCHS guys was like "need me beat them up for you" in a joking tone.. Haha pity the guy who wanted to jio rachel siah.. Love at first sight but couldn't intro. He quite daring lah to ask face to face. Should have seen the longing in his face when they left.

I realised lately more BHB. I don't give a crap abt being seen with family in school or doing retarded stuff and people staring.. Like it doesn't bother me as much. Just hope it comes to a point where i start becoming a jerk >.<.\\

2011-04-21T20:11:00.000-07:00

Spooorts Day!

Damn proud of Tagore today. Every damn enthu, everyone participated and everyone really just felt so alive... We won pushball, some races and second in the cheering thing. Wow the sec 1s are damn hiong siah WL. Then had dinner with larry , chia yik and shaun. Awesome ^^. Shauns dad damn cool siah haha. Honestly it was quite a good day.

Nothing to do with sports day but looks damn cool :P

rachel extra haha

tagore mob!

Rawr

push ball!

unglam :P

Its been a while, since everyday and everything has felt this right

I don't believe in Fairytales

2011-04-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

YES MY VERY FIRST ZILIAN

PORN OMG

Had shooting, i think i shot pretty craply D: but dun care lah... Cause i finished at 10:30 i went to NEX and slacked, wanted to watch a movie but one person watch so ke lian siah. Slacked and helped Phyo film some chinese opera documentary thingy haha damn fun. The crew all damn fun then very forgiving each time i screw up.Dotaed with Larry, Jasper and Shaun (Y)

Well. Guess people are always disapproving of who i hang out with. May as well just enjoy it. I don't think theres anything wrong with me having these people as friends, if you wanna sulk, i'm not gonna apologise cause i didn't do anything.

I've become more selfish this year.

I don't believe in fairytale
I don't believe in fairytales
I don't believe in fairytales
But I believe in you and me

2011-04-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

People change. It scares me cause i know i've changed. Its subtle, its irrevocable. To me, when someone changes, a part of him/her dies.. That person isn't the same anymore, that sliver of personality or character died as that went.

I don't think i'll be that terrified of dying. Its just the forgetting. I'm scared of being forgotten. If i went away and everybody forgot me and i came back... I would have just faded away, no proof that i ever existed.

2011-04-01T05:43:00.000-07:00

Wow shag. So much project work. Rushing the science project.. I feel sorry for isabel siah, force her do so much work for us. Sorry!

Well at least i'm doing better cca-wise. Shot 516/600 today. For reference my sec 4 senior shot 524. So yeah, its quite good.

For my social life. At least i'm keeping up with my friends. Went home with caleb today, talked and laxed.. He's gonna join shooting but idk why my seniors dun really like him. I cant believe ppl think he's beng luh wts.

OMG. I'm in this summery mood... i feel like swimming and going to the beach and wearing neon colours or smth.

K|SS MΞ, K|-K|-K|SS MΞ
|NFΞC┼ MΞ W|┼H Y☼UΓ L☼▼Ξ ∆ND
F|LL MΞ W|┼H Y☼UΓ P☼|S☼N

Addicted to E.T omg!

2011-03-31T04:07:00.000-07:00

!(@$*U)(#* I can't stand it when people just give you a look, whisper to his/her friends that look back and stare at you wts. Like lekuasimi omg. Haha see i used hokkien, Yeah!

But seriously lah i oso not some big shot come gossip abt me for what -.-'. Wowwwww i go back home with a different girl everyday, wow i can get all them to like me at the same time, cause apparently theres NO way their my friends.

Some old photos at ice cream shoppp.

So glam

Wah first time eh hahaha

ice cream omnomnom

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on sunday morning
And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I’m calling out to you
Singing someday it’ll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself home to you

I'm in this very pleasantly-numb-dreamy kinda mood lately. Don't give a crap what people say alr bahs

Omg i wanna do a Teenage Dream sortof thing and laze at the beach on a uber sunny day ~~~

24 March

2011-03-24T04:24:00.000-07:00

Today was.. kinda hyper rebelliousish.

Haha not high but just eventful O.o

Ms Quan brought Magnum gold for some people who won Bingo. It was kept in this container with dry ice. So Chia Yik, Shaun, Raymond and the rest being.. Chia yik, shaun and raymond, they tried to make bottles explode with the dry ice. Then after that everyone started playing with the dry ice siah haha damn epic.

The not so rebellious ones just played a little

Omg then raymond damn zai go toilet play during MT lesson. Omg really explode then from class can hear. Everyone was like wah thunder eh.. "Eh, is that Raymond?" then everyone run out and see. Damn epic siah. Got vid but needa get it frm isabel. But some poor 2f guy kenna plastic so damn suay.

Like advert siah :D

Sian so many teachers not in school so right now i don't have much motivation to study and chinese lessons are kinda boring. D:

2011-03-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

March Holidays

Haven't done a single piece of homework siaaaaah.. WTS. I just shut down after common tests than just keep playing since then .. Haha feel so guilty but idk how i'm gonna drag myself into studying again. Nm.. slowly Tze An, slowly..

Tues, went out with 2cee

Bowled, slacked.. Good to see rachel happier.. Should spend more time with my 2C. I'm glad they invited Sarah she must be like so lonely. Sad shaun and raymond couldn't be there so saaad. Our SC ppl did some work there, present smth to us when school reopens. Haha we bully Marcus like crazy until slipper break siah, then met Mr Derek Lim at stadium mrt.

Weds, Went out with Isabel and Larry
Watched Big Momma Like Father Like Son. Lol at first when Larry told me i was like.. ok.. sounds like a B-list movie. But yeah its quite good. Laughed like shit. Had lunch at this really nice place called Saybons. $4 for this damn nice crepe thing. Omnomnomnom. Then slacked abit and went movie. Wanted to Lan and teach Isabel how to play Left4Dead but watch movie then become then shag :X. Then after movie went back Nex and went our usual hideouts . Omigosh. Time just passed really quickly even though we didnt do much at Nex. But damn fun, talk abit let Isabel and Larry bully each other :P. Honestly ah they'ld make good siblings. Hahahaha.

Last few days kinda sick bleh.. But still spam coke, macs, stickys. Haha no wonder never recover. *cough cough*

Spamming pictures lately siah.

GLAMS

Omg they 2 so cute

The french food thing i was talking abt

Pink fits him

When we were in our youth

We had dreams that we could fly

We had friends that weren't visible

And love that never died

As we grew old and felt the pain

We always knew the truth

That love would heal if we stayed true

To the dreams of our youth

Hold on to those dreams, Never let go.

2011-03-15T04:14:00.000-07:00

We're all dreamers.

We all want things. Everyone's hurt in their own way or another. And one mistake we make is deeming your own problems bigger than others cause it hurts either way. And i may not be very sociable or exceptionally smart or whatever. So what if there are expectations of me. Its not my problem i can't meet it.

||Some random pictures||

Awesome times at ice cream shop ;)

And yoghuru

My 2cee

Friends :)

Serangoon buddies

"Work"

My Caleb and Rachel :D

Lotsa things to be glad of. Happy times, awesome memories. I'll never trade being a kid for anything else.

Say what you mean
tell me I’m right
and let the sun rain down on me
give me a sign,
I wanna believe

Like stones, we may not fit perfectly, but we form to make a complete picture.

2011-03-09T05:27:00.000-08:00

Seriously. Some people just deserve a "Go fuck yourself inside out" to their faces. People just climb over you all the time, and wts i used to be able to put up with all sorts of bullshit. I could stay happy and just get over it. I've become more asshole now. Just hope i have enough willpower to stop myself from changing.

And people just need you as a tool. Someone to make you laugh. Someone you trust . Someone thats there for you. Its always for you. I don't know. But thats what we are. People, we live for ourselves, die for ourselves. All the bullcrap we learn in about morals and ethics.. Idk. I used to genuinely really think such things exist. But i guess we need to help ourselves sometimes. Push other people into the fire if it means living

And we're all like stones, we fit to make a uniform picture. Individually we're all different, brought together . We're jagged, we're imperfect. And only after studying the picture do we realised how different every piece looks. And thats what we are. Different, Freaks

Some people don't deserve kindness.

New Perpective

2011-02-20T02:47:00.001-08:00

This year things are getting better. Some issues here and there, some friendship problems here and there but overall happy

And nothing that happens npw can get more bullshit than the crap I got frm kennede and Raphael in pri school so bleh. Just that now I'm afraid of getting close to anyone coz that's when you fall apart - When you re so close to someone you start realizing their flaws and everything falls apart.

I m quite satisfied luh, no haters, no enemies so I m happy coz of that.

2010-11-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

It hurts too, when i watch her heart get broken.

Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he didn't hear. Maybe he never noticed.

But I ~~hope~~ pray very,very hard that its not because he doesn't care.

And deep down, i know that i had been the one to encourage. I was the one who helped took it up, only to watch it drop and shatter.

Its so simple to hope, to think that this thing that millions, billions , dream of in their dreams, would come so easily

People want the pretty rose, not think for a second that they'd have to accept the rose. People want to believe that these things come so easily. People want to think that its that simple.

I just hope that the i can help do something about it

But each word is a sharp sliver of glass, tearing at the flesh.

2010-11-04T05:12:00.001-07:00

Hmm... When i forget something that makes my warm and fuzzy, i realise how cold and hard the world around is. ;[

I suppose i gave up on optimism for a while, i'll try to keep that mindset again.

I haven't really been through shit thats that bad, I should demand so much out of life

I should count the friends i have rather than people that aren't.

But.. if it were only that simple. If it wasn't just a 'should' and not a will.

But why, why do i still feel so..... Empty. :/

HAIZ

2010-11-01T06:29:00.000-07:00

Ego Te Absolvo

I'm too greedy i guess. And i beret myself for not being able to get what i want and i find myself hoping for the impossible.

And it sucks having a crush on someone who , if i think straight, would never be of my world.

I bring myself so high up and i bring myself crashing down.

I hope to much.

I should get along with my life, think about other aspects of my life

But rationality has a habit of hiting you like a blunt weapon

Unrealistic Dreams

2010-10-07T02:27:00.001-07:00

Satisfaction

Ok too many boring posts alr. :(

So i'll talk abt todaaaae :D

Stayed back with Caleb and Rachel... heez so fun to talk to, then end up spend what.. 3 and a half hours sitting at the canteen crapping abt ^^

Lol then damn funny whenever i go somehwhere else then miss erma misunderstand, and thought rachel and him were like together coz they were alone.. damn funny, happened twice..

Fuuuun~ Feel so much better today.. got a 3 hour nap lol.. feel soooooo gooood

Hmm its true must be exam stress... and i think alot of ppl also feeling the stress.. For example Marcus is like really distant lately :/

History and Geog sucked.. heez sure fail

Maths kinda sucked coz i couldn't do the last question

Surprisingly english and Chinese still ok..

Already in the post exam high lol

What else can I say? (Can I say)
My heart is beating double time, yeah
And do you feel the same? (Do you feel the same)
Don't leave me in the dark, no
But baby don't put out this spark, no
I waited so long
I need to know, darling
What is on your mind
Normally I try to run
And I might even want to hide
Cause I never knew what I wanted

I really love TK.. sure there shitty people, sure some teachers really suck.. but really, people are so great and nice, i really feel loved here... I really finally know whats it like having true friends ^^

2010-09-30T05:17:00.000-07:00

And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.
William Shakespeare

I'm terrified of what lurks around the corner. I don't get why i feel this irrational pain in my chest; and whats worse is that it comes more, and more often.

I know what i want to feel but i don't know what i want

And i'm too scared to go head first and let the world take me - I'ld either drown in the dark sea or be embraced in its warmth

Fear of the unknown, Fear of the known - I prefer the latter

The facade slips.

2010-09-24T05:09:00.000-07:00

It doesn't mean as much anymore

I guesss i was made to be just slightly flawed. Made such that everything i want is such that its out of my reach. An inch. A few inches. A metre.

Its not so much that anything falls through my fingers anymore.. It just falls through and my hand doesn't offer a shred of resistance.

And I like where i am, my dreams, what i am. I like it... but it still feels off, feels awkward and unnatural but i can't put a finger on it.

Perhaps thats what i am - different, unnatural

Perhaps i saw too much, thought to much, too quickly, too fast. I want to find something worth holding on to but i don't see beauty in anything.

I don't get it i just feel awfully unemotional and unfeeling.

I should be sad that i had fell out with a friend. I guess i was too ugly on the inside for him.. i guess only my lies were good enough to him. Its my fault i guess, that i hid behind something that i wasn't, i guess thats the result of living in your own lie.

The thing is.. i don't feel sad. I don't feel regrets or lost... He doesn't feel like anything to me. Maybe its better this way, that he could be rid of someone who obviously did not mean as much as he thought he did.

2010-09-14T05:57:00.000-07:00

In a sea of people, of friends.

Yet, you still feel so alone.

So unloved.

It's not that they they don't love me.

But it just doesn't feel right.

Regardless, this is all i have, maybe i'm just a lost wanderer, living for the sake of living, feeling for the sake of feeling and life... life becomes such a chore. I guess when i laugh, and other people laugh, what i feel just pales in comparison. But i don't see anything in my future, i don't see why i want grades anymore, i don't see why i bother with alot of things. I'm not depressed or hurt... but i'm just disheartened by life, as a whole.

Maybe if i just kept going, i'll find interest again, maybe i'ld find something that will remind me what it feels like.

Yet, i'm terrified of being forgotten. I guess i'm selfish, that at least , i would mean something to someone.

2010-09-07T06:15:00.001-07:00

Just feel so drained... Emotionally and physically.. Sigh

2010-09-03T07:12:00.001-07:00

A little note written by the artist.

"Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem to be a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen..."

I find the image and song really.. Surreal and addictive.. and i love the falling from heaven theme.. To me its pure magic, like some psychedelic drug.

2010-09-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

Faint

I guess living in a lie is like watching something from a television.. everything you feel is just weak and faint, like the lie which i burried myself in. Finally understood what they meant in books when they said something died inside someone.. Really just feel so tired of everything here. I guess i should be happy about my life, for what i have, for all the happiness i feel.. but i can't feel anything if i know it isn't real.. that all the falsehood and lies i've wrapped myself in. Perhaps i should stop hiding

2010-08-26T05:28:00.000-07:00

Infinite Dreams

Felt happiness so intense.. Its been 1, 2 years since i've felt this rush.. I forced myself to ignore the pain, to ignore whatever i felt, to control every thought and action. I remember my words, " Never lose sight." I never did, but at what cost.

i'm falling.. I've always wondered what it would be like if i fell to my death...What would my thoughts be as i fell, as i felt the wind rush by.. i think i'ld enjoy it.. but when i felt the nagging thoughts of the ground drawing close.. what would, my thoughts be?

But i'm happy. Perhaps its the sense of finality i feel... i don't know. I don't know. And not knowing scares me. I've always wanted to be able to control my fate, my thoughts , my dreams, my hopes... My emotions..

I knew that, i may have had sealed away my emotions.. but it just came bursting out. I'm.. just lost.
Have you ever been so lost Known the way and still so lost Another night waiting for someone to take me home Have you ever been so lost Is there a light Is there a light At the end of the road I’m pushing everyone away ‘Cause I can’t feel this anymore Can’t feel this anymore

Many things you come to understand.. terms like ' rollercoaster rush', 'falling in love' and 'pain'. I've always known about these things but i've never experienced it.. Its like watching a cook show and doing the cooking.. Reality is so much more exhilarating and breathtaking.. but so's the pain.

And yeah. One of the things i've never understood is love. And i feel stupid, thinking i've always felt for someone. But its so shallow. And now i know whats it like , being with someone you'll give your all for.. i've never understood.. I was always so mesmerized by perfection.. but i've come to understand, its the imperfections that makes someone, full.

You showed me, how to see that nothing is whole, and that nothing is broken.

In the end, i just hope that, my friends will stand by me in the end.

2010-08-20T02:07:00.000-07:00

All this stupid judgement and comments.. Why can't people just be a little less insensitive and realise that your words can hurt.. Don't people even understand the simple philosophy of " Treat others as you would like to be treated ".. Freaking sick of all this.. Maybe i'm just too easily pricked by the comments.. Does it really matter that i actually account for peoples feelings when no one bothers to do the same..lyk wtf

2010-08-06T05:57:00.001-07:00

Fuck i'm such an attention whore.. i'm pathetic to let all this shit get to me.. other people have gone through worse..

2010-08-06T02:15:00.000-07:00

Its confusing, and i feel the walls crashing in, my head spinning.. I'm feeling so bitter and lonely and it just sucks... Like i'm fine in school, i feel alive but i just feel bouts of misery... And it does hurt.. and i even feel like crying

2010-07-31T05:45:00.000-07:00

::Sweet thoughts::

1c is the sweetest. Thank you for the cake, thank you for the gifts, thank you for the friendship, and thank you for the memories. Haha, its nice to know that i mean something to people, that i've done something worth remembering and worth noting. I've grown, i've seen more, i've learn't hurt, i've learnt joy. A step closer. And now i realise that we should cherish the journey, not the ending because all good things come to an end, and its really the the process, not the end. Thank you 1c for all the good times, you take my mind of my flaws, of how ugly i look inside, the hideous imperfections and scars. I'm not going to pretend i've had things hard, and i'm actually having it much better than most, and yet i don't know why sometimes i feel screwed up. But thank you everyone for doing this =)... I can't help but feel renewed. And i'm falling head over heels again, you're just too.. idk.. adorable..? I accept that you're definitely not within my reach but i can't help it, but still, at the very least, lets be good friends :D. Wow it sounds like i was rejected or smth.. lol..

Before you met
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a floor out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

Cherish what you have. And have a little Faith.

2010-07-28T00:18:00.001-07:00

Too much about what others think , I'm scared of what people say, what the stares mean..
Hurt so many people so far , and I feel really bad for causing u pain...

2010-07-19T02:35:00.000-07:00

I know what i want. I know that its what i want, and not what i need.. And yet i still go around wanting even if, i know that it is not something i really worth wanting or being scared of something thats not real or even liking someone when its just simply, an infatuation..

And even going around liking your smile, your specs, your bracers, your eyes , your laugh.. Coz screw it ur damn beautiful <3

Anyways today had lunch with marcus, mikhail, rachel, yu wan, isabel and rae.. Quite epic sia, laugh, talk damn loud for lyk almost an hr.. then took 16 with damn to bedok interchange than mrt home with isabel.. Pon shooting for this.. soo bad xD..

Well i dun really regard lying as smth you shouldn't do, but something you should avoid, coz nothing is right or wrong its merely the concept in which you apply it

Acceptance. I must accept what i have and i don't have.. I know that as humans, we take what we have for granted and want what we don't have.. And i know that i'm lucky that i'm in such a position but i'ld always want more.

-.-' i hate it that people so shamelessly talk about you, in front of you

2010-07-16T03:30:00.000-07:00

Lol much.. Noel decided/ deciding to complain abt me to ms chan for posting " Noel pisses me off soooo bad" on facebook.. Haha.. cyberbullying.. Gosh how sensitive can he get, like how is that so wrong? Irritate and disturb people and don't expect them to say something about it? And seriously, he's getting on the nerves on everyone and its just that no one actually say anything about it, to be honest the way he treats marcus would make me snap if i were him. And lol i think that if noel complained to ms chan, she'ld silently agree that he's annoying.. And he purposely hinted about it during drama, what a joke..

Anyways today quite fun lahz... lolol paiseh to Olivia, Isabel, Rachel and Yu wan.. bring bubble tea to me then kenna canteen duty >>>.<<< ... Had chinese remedial , cher said it'ld be frm 1.00 to 2.30, so i was lyk wtf.. But in the end went and finished the stuff in lyk 20 min -.-' .. Aft that had shooting ^^..

Omg nvr do the e-portfolio thing but i feel really bad coz lyk ms chan's one of the teachers i respect most in TK and i hate pissing her off D: .. shetz.. But then we all tell each other ghost stories outside the com lab haha.

Drama was awesome.. Well cher was like really unreasonable and told yu wan and rae to sit like ladies, then oso tell them stop talking, then kept insulting chai puay, say she can't talk properly or smth like that .. lol sibei strict and harsh sia.. lololol then marcus and yu wan put the shoes together and so cher was like, " are you 2 lovers?" , then say loverboy and lovergirl.. lol damn wu liao and we did a performance that i spread marcus' secrets stuff liddat, lol epic... Like what " so and so veh cute and chio eh" xD heez

Took 16 with rae, then took back to dakota and then went home with chia yik.. He seems sad :(

And yeah, i've been itching for a fight

2010-07-14T03:22:00.001-07:00

"Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry."

A random quote from a blog and i find it super inspirational :)

2010-07-10T21:21:00.001-07:00

Omg went out with Raphael, Michael And Kennede... damn awesome but we were lyk damn loud sia... Laugh lyk sia, been a while since o has this much fun hahas... Besties for evar ^^... But sad lah, mike drifting a little, he kinda changed .. Lol kennede is bitchier then ever , Raphael is even more high XD .. Sigh.. Sad lah only got to see them for 2 hrs then raph gotta go :(..

Lol ken damn cheap lol.. I rmbr we were having dinner once then we pay bill, and he was lyk " Wheres my 20 cents ??! I demand my 20 cents " ..

Haha... Fun sia.. I can't rmbr any conversations properly so cannot type here.. Lawl , nxt time post some pictures

2010-07-07T01:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah you guys don't really know me.. And how much i've changed, adapted and shifted to become what i am now.. And sometimes the stuff people say really gets to me and i really feel like lashing out, but at the moment i'll just leave it to people who actually deserve it ... .__.'

You got it, you got it, some kind of magic
Hypnotic, hypnotic, you're leaving me breathless
I hate this, I hate this, you're not the one I believe in
With God as my witness

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself
From saying something that I should've never thought of you

Of you
You're pushing and pulling me down to you
But I don't know what I want
No, I don't know what I want!

2010-07-07T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hey well.. sorry all.. like in the last few days everyone has been so depressed and stuff but yeah if you came up to me, i'm sorry if the stuff i said sounded weird and probably didn't cheer you up much.. Kinda feeling down too.. so yeah..

2010-07-06T05:15:00.000-07:00

OMG sia.. got diabetes from watching that o.o .. and... yeah its lyk really sick and wrong so if got parents watching u surf, don't watch the vid lol.. O.O

2010-07-05T04:42:00.000-07:00

If life gives you hell and pisses the shit out of you, kick it in the shins and say fuck off.... just rebound and forget about whatever happens coz you'll always have a second chance.. ^^.. but i'm gonna emo tmr coz being hyper irritates myself :P

2010-07-04T04:08:00.000-07:00

If you were on the track of death and the shadow looms above you, would it be wrong if i gave you a push but do the world a favor? Would it be wrong if, the words had been said but knew not at that time.. And would i be wrong if i relished at the realisation?

Control wavers and the facade slips

i feel the malice in my veins, hatred swells at every time you say my name..

2010-06-29T01:42:00.000-07:00

i'm no noble soul, i don't want to be away i want it so bad.. I know its an infatuation but i can't help it, and i want it so bad. But the pain, i don't want to think about it, its so childish that i feel this way that i can't stop myself, its stupid that i want to be near you. I'm a fool.

Let me enjoy the bouquet, without the indulging in the wine

Yeah, i'm the sort of person who wants to be popular. I've never been popular but now, i want friends, i want to have a larger circle of friends. But being popular sucks, the gossip , the envy, the whispers.. It sucks, it makes people sad but really, thats what being human is. The only species of animal that demands social contact for survival.. nvm shall not elaborate, later this become sci lesson -.-' ... Anyways, thank you isabel for the enlightenment and food for thought :D .. We, as social creatures, demand this to live.. But really? Does it need to be the sole goal in your life?

I admit, when i heard you slam your fist as i talked to her, i felt a smile creep on my face.. I haven't forgotten your words or your insults to me and my friends.. Be glad i take no action

Hmm, this post kinda emo... Shall talk abt other stuff...

Today got new girl ^^... i feel so bad, neh say hi properly lol..

Pon cca... >.<... so bad sia

Switch seats.. I neh move at all bt now shaun sit nxt to me :)).. so awesome :D

Damn so many funny conversations but i can't rmbr any =.=

Conver with Isabel on the bus back.. so fun ;D

Jeremy shld cheer up :(

Marcus, dun emo.. I shall beat him up for you if he become too guo fen^^ ( wah pai kia.. nvm dun wry my punches probably wun hurt much so neh mind :P)

SO MANY NEW CHER!!!! ._______________.'

STOP TAKIN' MAH BAG!! ITZ PRECIOUSSSS

2010-06-26T04:05:00.001-07:00

And so lyk, why are u lyk so lyk obsessed with lyk me???

2010-06-23T02:30:00.001-07:00

2010-06-22T05:05:00.000-07:00

Went out do some Yog proj work with kishen,noel and chai puay at j8 , lol didn't get much done :P.. Then had a mini heart to heart with chai puay for lyk 5 minutes haha.. Then met michael there after they left.. talked to him for like 30 minutes than he had to go -.-'... hmm we're drifting T.T

I'm sooooo jealous of him lol... got so many friends, got looks and damn nice.. D: ... I can't believe he knows kenny koh, then also knows olivia's friend.. and thats what i found out through facebook only.. gaaaaaaah T.T.. Sigh and it sucks that he's so popular cause i'll just be "one of his friends".. Like how many people are he as close as me? This is why having popular friends suck.. coz he just has too many friends.. Still i can only hope i'm in his inner circle.

Random conversation with my mum

Mum: i painted my toe nails red
Me: Really? *looks at her nails* cool.. Why not black?
Mum: Black?! Black is so goth, and besides your dad hates it when i paint my nails red, so i like to lie in bed and wiggle them.
Me: LOL

Sometimes, i think my mum is really cool.. lol

I know this font is for when girls become really emo and type tiny at their end of their posts but i don't care.. i shall abuuuuse it =D well... ok smth serious..

Omg.. D.. ur so cute :D

2010-06-20T21:50:00.001-07:00

Hmm testing out writing blogs thru a app on my moms iPhone..checking if it works :P

2010-06-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

I'ld love to think that the world around me is incapable of pain or hurt but i cannot live in this childish fantasy that i yearn for. People are filled with malice and they'll hurt you, and beret you. I'm well aware of my shortcomings but how i wish i could dispel just one.. just one would save me this pain. But yet, i lash out and brand people liars.. but i'm hardly inculpable. I'm a dirty hypocrite but i can't help but do more... But i'll let you play on what you perceive.. I've maintained the image i want and i'll stay content with the jealousy you feel.

But on the flipside, the people around me are also kindhearted.. I've seen much more kindness and joy around me. To mean something to someone really makes me happy and many new memories await. There are a myriad of ways to live my life but i doubt i would have chosen another. I can't help but want more but i'll curb the greed. At the very least, i am content.

2010-06-08T03:24:00.001-07:00

Saw some familiar faces today.. sadly not all the ones i wanted because of some 'internal conflict' so to speak. But today was awesome, regardless, watched Prince of Persia oso.. :D.. really cool movie but wasn't much of a class outing seeing that only 6 people went, and 1 of them wasn't frm our class... lol

Every experience opens my eyes alittle bit more, widening my perspective, today i've unlocked that little piece of sight, that tiny shard of perspective..

A year back, i used to look down on some people and laugh at the way they were just because i was intellectually superior but they had so much that i did not, now when i look back they were not as uncouth as i had assumed and it would have been awesome if i had actualyl befriended them.. I was narrow minded. And to be honest i'm glad i went to Tk, coz i've seen so much more, broken out of my llittle one track world.

I'll stop judging people now.. Isabel's like my older sis, teaching me about stuff and now i'm able to think of some new people in a different light.. All those rumors i've heard make me feel guilty.. that i was actually interested in hearing all that twisted, warped words..

I may not be the sort of person i wanted to be a year back but i'm glad about who i am now.

2010-06-03T03:12:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write about emo stuff but, i pride myself on the fact that i'm different, and i can choose they way i live. I know i can pull out of this and turn my life wherever and whenever i want. So i won't be emo and just smile, coz smiling is always better than frowning =D ... and i hate wrinkles...

Well.. actually really not in the mood to do anything... shall force myself to post another day :/

2010-05-26T01:51:00.000-07:00

Sorry people.. haven't updated my blog for veeeh long.. To make you'll stop bugging moi, i shall rescue my dying blog from the clutches of death..

Um.. Happy Birthday to Vivi mei and Daryl ^^ ... You're both older than me tho :(

Went out today and had lunch with shaun, chia yik, jeremy and isabel.. quite fun hehe.. but Shaun srsly needs better table manners. =D

Marcus and Jeremy...cheer up .. dun emo, its last day of skool u shld be happy ^^

Not very chatty today so won't post much.. but dun wry ppl, i'll update more often...ciao :D

Random

2010-04-08T07:00:00.001-07:00

It'll be cool if everyone replaced the word 'fun' with 'pleasure' Eg; " To day was ~~fun~~ pleasurable. " "Its such ~~fun~~ a pleasure to be together." :X

2010-04-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

Today was fuuun :D... only did some work until 9.25 then had recess. Lol eavesdropped on rae and isabel then when they turn arnd, isabel scream super load..haha... -dun worry i didn't hear anything-...then malay teacher didn't come so we had whole of conversational malay to ourselves. Everyone was using phone ^^. The home ec for half an hour then we went off.

Ate lunch near marcus' house. haha macs was fuuun... Nabil made these really sick figures out of french fries then decorated and stuff..ewws XD... Marcus dad drove us to bedok stadium or else noel would've been late.

Wow. I just realised that tk band's awesome. The drums major or watever could twirl the baton damn high... like... 3 stories high... then the band members could march in perfect synchronization...

Tagore was pretty fail but did a lot of shouting 2day... that jeromy guy can run damn fast..

Dyed my hair bluuueee!! awesomeness :D

2010-03-31T05:14:00.000-07:00

I'm watching New Moon again... The stories' depressing but its the memories that it dredges up that kills me... I remember the stuff i went through in December. The pain, the revelation. I remember the thoughts and friends. I remember how much it hurt, how i felt like dying. I'm getting better now... the wounds are healing... even if my emotions and perspective are scarred...

2010-03-26T04:10:00.000-07:00

Didn't have PE 2day so i bo liao, decided to exercise at home... nabill taught me how to do standard push up today so i decided to try... lol realised its really tiring... then i tried my bros weights... i did 8 reps then..wah...arm really no more strength... hahas..

2010-03-24T02:33:00.000-07:00

I realise that what i do could be causing a friend harm, the social pressure that i put him... And it doesn't help that his friends are blind followers... SIgh.

Burned Jeromy yesterday...i still feel bad D:...

The sisterhood planned an outing for June...wow...talk about long term planning haha... They'd rather be thickskinned an get me back as one of them but apparently they don't realise that i hate their very being... well... at least i'm on ok terms with some of them... Still i must commend, they've done a great job of keeping their mouths shut so far... Either that or i set my privacy settings such that they can't see my statuses... haha... Oh and to you,Chong Yao, if you're reading this now, i'm telling you to back off. Simple message but you don't see your vulnerabilities.

New chinese teacher... Personally, i find him creepy :P...

Starting to hate Ashwath less...

Well...thats all i have to say... ciao... =D

2010-03-17T21:49:00.000-07:00

How long would i be able to last here? How long can this mask last... How long could i keep this up? Perhaps I should consider taking an entrance exam to ACSI or smth...

2010-03-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

I've changed...and i've lost meaning to this life...When you think about it, why would we be put here on Earth? To live? Don't we die eventually? Memories fade, life goes on, and in time, what we do would be forgotten, erased. So why do we exist? What do i do when there's nothing to live for? "You haven't lived until you've found something to die for." I want to find something i'll die for, something that can keep me going...

2010-03-05T03:03:00.000-08:00

Its selfish to deprive him of this even if i know that he is unlikely to get it... I know that i can't fully appreciate this opportunity, merely a shadow, a whisper of it...But yet, I can't bring myself to do so... I feel so lonely , miserable and screwd up that I would take this... I know it'll never work and i'ld only hurt people...

And I feel so awkward in this class. Perhaps its because I didn't choose to be here. Perhaps its because of the agony i went through in December... And this numbness... i just can't feel anything strongly... Joy , melancholy , rage... I just feel so confused... The small things still keep me interested but i just want to live again, to breathe again.

2010-02-22T23:07:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time
We swore not to say goodbye
Something got a hold of us
And we changed
Then you sat alone in pride
And I sat at home and cried
How'd our fairytale just end up this way

We went round for round
Til' we knocked love out
We were laying in the ring
Not making a sound
And if that's a metaphor of you and I
Why is it so hard to say goodbye

I can't wait to hate you
Make you pain like I do
Still can't shake you off
I can't wait to break through these emotional changes
Seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to phase you
Break you down so low there's no place left to go
I can't wait to hate you
oooh

Ooh and this was a love phenomenon no one I know could explain
And I wish I could press reset and feel that feeling again
I sit and press rewind
and watch us every night
Want to pause it but I cant make it stay

We went round for round
Til' we knocked love out
We were laying in the ring
Not making a sound
And if thats a metaphor of you and I
Why is it so hard to say goodbye

I can't wait to hate you
Make you pain like I do
Still can't shake you off
I can't wait to break through these emotional changes
Seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to phase you
Break you down so low there's no place left to go
I can't wait to hate you
oooh

No need to call my phone
'Cos I changed my number today
And matter fact I think im moving away (away)
Sorry the frustrations got me feelin away
And I just keep having one last thing to say
And I just want to hold you, touch you, feel you
Be near you, I miss you baby baby baby (baby baby baby)
I'm tired of tryin to fake through
But there's nothing I can do
Girl I can't wait to hate you

I can't wait to hate you
Make you pain like I do
Still can't shake you off
I can't wait to break through these emotional changes
Seems like such a lost cause
I can't wait to phase you
Break you down so low there's no place left to go
I can't wait to hate you baby

OoOooOoO
I can't wait to hate you

2010-02-14T23:05:00.000-08:00

We have a mutual friend. You think he's a weak link and that you can exploit that weak link. Sorry, but it works both ways. Your dirt and secrets come onto my ears fairly easily and i've learnt long ago not to tell him mine, even though we are best friends. I can fight long distance, can you?

Happy B'day Mike Yee!!!

2010-02-13T06:29:00.000-08:00

Went out with mikey today... Really fun...Daren,Mike,Ken and me...Daren is michael's friend from ACSI and he's also in my tuition...He's like michaels twin...Its soo fun gossiping with Kennede ,talking to mike, and getting to know Daren better...He lanned alot but sorry ken...you must have been like damn sian...href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o5K3HdRxL50/S3a77rIljQI/AAAAAAAAAIo/RM7VT6cXxrc/s1600-h/12022010610.jpg"> Some of yesterdays photos~

CNY

2010-02-11T23:21:00.001-08:00

Well, school started off alright...Until sooomebody spoiled our day. I mean... you can't point fingers, saying that we hate you and that we want you out of the class. Sure people dislike you but we know we have to live with you. We're not ostracizing you or anything. Its just that you have a somewhat unreasonable personality and we don't want to make you part of all our activities. He also says that Steven and Daryl insult him but...thats what they do to everyone. Even their friends get teased...Anyway, it was Justin who gave him the idea that the whole class hates him and stuff. Seriously you can't blame us for not liking you. But we don't hate you that bad. And Rachel Wong deserves to be kicked out of class com... She doesn't do annnny work... and whats more, she kicked marcus' chair for 'slacking'...Thats bloody unreasonable imo... And even taken from a neutral point of view, this is freaking wrong... Ms Chan isn't seeing the whole picture.

Apart from that, today was like not bad. Visiting SA was really fun... Got to see so many faces and watched mdm norimah dance to Jai Ho...lols... Its easier not to hate people when you're away from them so even people whom i couldn't stand were toleratable. But Chong Yao and Benjamin just never grow up...I gotta lol@ that...Its funny watching damn try to gossip about me and stuff but it just gets lame. But it was really fun talking to ken and raph... Awesomeness...

2010

2010-02-10T03:36:00.000-08:00

Getting used to school life...TKSS is awesome... And it's a nice change having girls around...guys can be freaking immature(me included :p)...there are irritating people but it's not like some ppl frm sa...but i miss my bffs...they really mean alot to me... Still,the ppl in tk are super nice and i think i'll enjoy life here. It.s really cool when you find someone who knows someone you know...

A new life

2010-01-07T02:15:00.000-08:00

A new life, a new school. :( . I like the familiar , i love my friends and i've learnt to live with my teachers. But yet, secondary school is interesting.... And girls make good friends... not many gangsters/bitchy people... its a nice school but i dislike the name... i' don't love my new school but neither do i hate it... idk... weird...

2009-09-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

I work with and against them and i will sow chaos and destruction. Let them cower in my terrible glory when i pluck the fruits of Hatred and Fury. Let the drums of war Echo once again.......

Any last words?